Growing Up

When I was young, everything was possible. I thought I'd be a scientist. I thought I'd be a lwyer. I thought I'd be a doctor. When you were a kid, everything was within reach. The sky was the limit.

When I grew older, I realised certain realities. Yes, the sky at that time was still within reach but there are obstacles along the way, people who obstruct your progress.

Even older, I started realising that I wasn't interested in the sky anymore.

Much older, I learnt that even if I'm interested in the sky, it's too far away for me. That's when the sky came crashing down and I know I've limited abilities.

I don't know if the sky hates me or I hate the sky. Anyway, not only do I have limited abilities, when I grew up, I learnt about responsibilities. It doesn't mean that when you've the ability to do something, you can go ahead and do it because there's something called "consequences". For example, I cannot spit on the ground because I'd be fined.

I wishI don't have to grow up because ignorance is bliss. Right now, as an adult, there are certain responsibilities you've to take. You can say "Heck it" and do what you want but there's music to be faced later. Anyway, that's irresponsibility. There's more responsibilities the older you get. Each responsibility is a burden. I feel old and tired.

Future

I keep on talking about the past. I should also touch on the future. If you can go forward in time, what'd you change?

I thought I'd go rob a bank since no one will know it's me. But I guess it'll be found out since banks have all those highly efficient, highly pressured individuals who ensure that the banks are highly efficient and highly pressured. Then I thought of being Robin Hood-robbing the rich to help the poor and which rich I'd rob. But I realised I can't do that. If it's someone you don't like who happens to lead a difficult life in the future and you rob him, even if it's someone you don't like, you'd hesitate to rob him because you'd feel sorry for his plight.

Future. This word seems so distant. What is my future going to be like? Somehow, I feel that my life was planned long ago by forces not mine and I'm only living the life that was mapped out long ago. Am I to continue on this trajectory which was destined long ago? The past-I cannot change. I look back and realise there are things I'd missed out in life and feel shortchanged. After all the reflection and self-beating, I'm back to myself, being alone and looking into the mirror at myself. I can only attempt to change the future because what's past is past. How do I want my future to be like? I try to create that future. There's a long way to go. I wonder if my attempts are going to be futile if the other powers have already cursed me to a doom. What's the use of working towads a future if there's no future?