Well-intended Meddling

I did not realise that my well-intended advice to Elan was meddling until recently.

Yes, no one can understand the interactions between someone and his family. Because every family is different. But yes, I've gone through years of emotional sparring (with self and family) so it doesn't necessary mean that I don't understand what you are going through.

When Ster tried to be what I tried to be to Elan: a well-meaning person, I recalled what Elan said and I finally understood Elan's words: "World, for once and for all I'd like to tell you that it is immature of you to butt into another person's private affairs with unasked-for advice. Secondly, it is unspeakably naive to think that just by a few cliche, ill-timed advice can you actually attempt to change the existing situation. Familial interactions has a great effect on our emotions and is one of the most complex territories in the human world."

Of course I felt that before. But I didn't know I know it. The fact that the world can never fully (or even partially) understand the actual situation only struck me recently when I read Elan's blog and was put in the exact situation that Elan was in.

Yes, no outsider can truly understand a family and its interactions. I, too like Elan, do not appreciate it when well-meaning meddlers try to give me advice. They do not understand a speck of the inner conflicts, the struggles between the parties, not having seen those wars. It feels like they are imposing themselves on me and instead of achieving the effect they want, they end up making me more rankled than ever. Sometimes I'd rather they leave me/us alone. 解铃还需系铃人. Sometimes, it's easier and better for the parties to work things out themselves.

Other times, intervention may be and/or is necessary. Recently, the police have become guardians of children with their taking down of the names of teens who are still out after 11pm and notifying the parents what their children have been up to. I do not support or denounce this. Basically, I'm a fence-sitter on this. But I do think that intervention could help parties at times, but not all the time.