Giving Up III

I have never seen myself as someone who gives up easily. I am a quietly determined person. Quietly determined to get what I want no matter what it takes, how it takes. Quietly determined and stubborn to pursue what I want relentlessly.

This term, I've been tormented by CAT. Someone said this: "School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it's gone." I cannot agree more with this. School-the birth and nesting ground for knowledge has become nothing more than a bad task master at times, driving us to meet deadlines AND cope with whatever modules it forces down our throat. At least UMS is like that.

I have been moaning about CAT since the time I started class. Prof admitted himself that this is not an easy module and right from the beginning, he warned us against taking up too many modules and overloading ourselves because CAT'd require us to fork out a lot of time. Logic is sometimes illogical. I got so sick of CAT that I was finally counting down to the time when lesson would be over. CAT was THAT bad. It got to a point when I became numbed and couldn't care less about CAT anymore. Even when I was failing my assignment. Even when I knew I'd fail my test. I gave up.

I'd said in "Giving Up", "But I did not know that giving up is not an easy task too." It seemed ages since I blogged that entry. To give up something precious, something which you hold dear, something else must come in place to replace the emptiness. Otherwise, it would be a seemingly futile attempt. I've given up TKD, the training which I so love. In its place, I'd put in perhaps something worthy for now. Eventually, I'll have to give this up too. If I give this up now, my life'd be void and empty. That, would be a cruelty I'd be doing to myself-ripping my own world apart now.

Sometimes, even though giving up is not an easy task, it may be the best alternative in a particular situation, painful as it is. Isn't it foolish to give up something which you've worked so hard for? Is it? I do not know how to give up. I can't give up. I don't want to give up. How does one give up so-and-so or such-and-such when it's become so entwined and so much a part of his life? If I could give up, I'd have done so long ago, before it merged into my living, my being, my life.