Crisis: Identity, Quarter-life, Mid-life

Technology does wonders for humans. I can be talking to someone in Singapore and Australia at the same time in the same conversation. But nothing beats the personal, face-to-face encounter. It wasn't until I saw Elan and Mimi recently that I realised how our thinking differed. There is a dichotomy in our thinking. Feel that there's a gap between me and them now. I believe that 1 year ago, before I started working, if I had had the same conversation with them, I'd probably be as idealistic as them. My thinking's evolved. I was talking with a sense of pragmatism and realism. Felt sad that there's "un-meeting" of minds in our discourse on Reality vs Idealism. Sitting down there-the 3 of us, I felt as if we were aristocrats/nobles discussing/lamenting about the state of affairs in Singapore.

Elan and Mimi are going through "quarter-life crisis" now. Haha. Elan wonders when she'll ever be rid of the influence of the ruling party. She thinks it's a sad state of affairs that at adulthood, they are still worrying over grades. Haha. True. They said in overseas, people just do what they like and they're not worried about failing. Elan said we shouldn't be afraid to fail no matter how old we are. Overseas, even if you fail, people don't condemn you. You just do what you like and heck it. Here, you can't really do what you like because society looks at you with tinted glasses and an evil eye. I kept asking what would look impressive on my resume. Talking in pragmatic terms, basically. Elan said we should just do whatever we like, "just do it". All of us were talking with "a sense of despondency and cynicism". Haha. I think it was more so for Elan and Mimi who seemed to be jaded. It is the herd mentality here. I've become victim to this mentality, becoming one of the herd, going with the flow, chasing after the Singaporean dream. Selling my soul to the devil, as Elan said.

I'd experienced identity crisis before. Which is akin to Elan and Mimi's "quarter-life crisis". At one point, I began to doubt if I was going the correct way. Or rather, questioning if the "correct" way is the way I want to go. I compete and compete and compete until I lose myself in the competition and I wondered if my life is worth the value of competition. Life suddenly lost its meaning. I'd once spoken to Ms Ng about this-the pressure to conform to societal norms before. I complained that I don't want to be one of the herd. Ms Ng had said thoughtfully then: "Maybe it's easier said than done."

So at quarter-life, I began asking around "What the heck is mid-life crisis?" I wanted to know so that I'm ready for it. Different people have come up with various definitions.

Ms Ng said: "People have mid-life crisis when they suddenly feel at a loss and don't know what to do with their lives".

Mrs Kurup said it's when you are in your 40s or 50s and you look around and suddenly realise that you are trapped in the rat race. You don't like it because you're not doing what you like but you're already living the expensive lifestyle and you've no choice but to carry on because you cannot give it up. So you get stuck in a rut which you dug. It can lead to relationship problems or family problems. The brave ones, when they experience mid-life crisis, make a career switch even though they can't earn as much as before.

Mimi said it's when you reach 40 and you realise you've not accomplished anything and you feel lost and hopeless. Because all along, you've been going with the flow and you didn't do what you like. Then you hit 40 and you realise that you accomplished nothing.

AD's definition is different. More for those who are in a job they are satisfied in and have set goals for that career path. AD said mid-life crisis is "when one's list of aims/aspirations and list of achievements tally negatively, his/her frustration coupled with deperation that time is running out". She's not seen successful people who have a happy life NOT having mid-life crisis.

Some middle-aged folks don't know what mid-life crisis is. Those are the lucky ones. They haven't experienced and (probably) won't experience mid-life crisis. Guess those are the ones who are happy and contented.