Giving Up IV

Today, I saw the caption of the newpaper advertisement of "Away From Her": "Sometimes you have to let go of what you can't live without". How apt that I saw this as I was thinking of "Letting Go".

When I left BJ the first time, I was forced to give up what I cannot hold on to. I was helpless to the tides of destiny that pulled me back to the shores of sunny little Singapore. I'd to give up my comfort life, I'd to give up the things I treasure, the food, the people, the leisure. I'd to give up all the little bits that made up my simple yet happy life.

And because there is a longing, I went back. How can I let go so easily? Like you, I am human afterall and I can't turn on and off my emotions like a tap. Despite all the unhappiness and past decisions to let go, I/you/we still hang on.

Granted, nothing is forever and that too, shall pass. I accept there's a time for everything and there's a time to hang on and a time to let go. I'd said in "Giving Up III", "How does one give up so-and-so or such-and-such when it's become so entwined and so much a part of his life?". When I decided to give up, why does it hurt so?

I've given up money for time, traded work for relationships. When you decide to do otherwise, will we still see eye to eye? If we can't see each other, is it time to let go? Before you came into my life, I managed to live on fine. When you decided to let go, how do you fill the heart's hole? Yes, to quote from Elan, it's too late now to go back and reconstruct a different mentality other than the one you instilled in me.

When you decide to let go, does it mean you don't care about whoever/whatever anymore? Even if you do still care, gone are the days of passion. If you don't care as much, (why) should the other party still hang on? I am not so altruistic/forgiving/generous. "If I love you, will you love me back? If you don't love me, should I love you?" Elan's words ring true in my ears. When to hang on and when to let go? That's the million dollar question. "The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go". When you really care about something/someone, it's hard to let go, even if you want to. What if you have to but can't?