Education II

I'd said in "Education": "It is time to stretch and grow." Indeed, I am stretching my waking hours and growing my eyebags. I've become fatalistic because of Uni.

We have all got sick of LTB/CSP. SaNi and Christi left at 6pm as they said they would after Lolipop Gal left. Lolipop Gal was driving us (crazy). From the time she walked in (with her black face), we started doing work. Really. Clarenz felt he couldn't breathe and felt the feeling of 脑冲血 even though he looked pale. Think he looks pale these days because he doesn't sleep enough. Mel was quiet but when Lolipop Gal left, gone was her cultured disposition. Old Lee switched off Lolipop Gal's channel totally. I had to leave behind someone dear. And then my heart started pounding from the pressure until I reached home and drank some wine to calm the pounding heart. The pounding continued but this time from the wine I drank. If I do get a heart attack, it'll be from LTB. My heart was pounding from the pressure for a continuous few hours. Mel and Old Lee had gone off to get drunk after they left.

More "F**K"s were heard in the past 1 week than at any time. Old Lee has stated his stand clearly. He's not going to compromise his other modules for LTB anymore. Same for me. Old Lee's Stats has suffered. He'd a Stats test on last Sat-7/10 and all the crap started on last Fri-6/10. Poor Old Lee. Plus he had no time to prepare for his PS project at all and it's not fair to his partner. Same for me. LTB has taken up too much time. People are sick of LTB-you can see it from their attitude. Screw Agenda and Minutes. Screw CSP. Screw LTB.

When I got home, I drank wine while watching a local production. I've NOT watched a local production for AGES since most of them are not appealing. After that, I did something else I enjoy doing. Then I went to drink some more. THAT, is not me. When I think back on the recent happenings, I do not see the person who didn't do ANYTHING after getting home as ME. It feels like another person. This is psychology, I know. The mind has shut down and can't execute the normal, daily behaviour of the person. I can't believe Uni has made me reach the stage where my mind has shut down. What's next? Insanity seems to be on the tables.

What's the lesson learnt? The last straw that breaks the camel's back. There's only so much someone can take. The rest of the team are half-hearted with LTB now and are unwilling to sacrifice any more sleep, personal time and other modules for just LTB. My mind had shut down. If I'm pushed any further, maybe I'll get a heart attack or go insane.

In TKD, we were pushed to and over the limit. And we grew from the experience. But why do I feel that for studies, if the stress gets too much, a heart attack and insanity seem to be in the cards? I will still continue to take in the stress but I seriously have no idea what my threshold is, which the last straw is. If I finally cave in, it'll be a rude awakening to all around me. I'm becoming fatalistic because of Uni.