Education IV

A few people have told me that I need a break. I tried slowing down. Wanted to give up those "A"s for something lesser, maybe "C"s instead. Since I couldn't stop, I slowed down for a few days. I only wanted to take a slower pace but I'm deprived of even that choice. I have no choice but to keep on running after slowing down for a few days. I just need 1-2 weeks of PURE GOLD HOLIDAYS to recharge before I can charge ahead at full steam again. Was already three-quarters burnt out by mid-term. Now that mid-term is over, I didn't have my mid-term break, and I can't even slow down although I want to and I'm forced to continue charging, I'm bitten by the "give-up" virus again. It was Elan who was attacked by that deadly virus earlier on. Fatalism is a fatalistic bug.

Elan said I should focus on one thing at a time. I suddenly feel overwhelmed by school(work) again and I can feel the stress rising up to my chest again. I probably will start becoming short-tempered again. The level of stress is so bad it's unhealthy! I feel like crying, I feel like throwing up, I want to run away but I am rooted at the same spot and I've to keep on running. I want to throw up.

I'm sleeping few hours everyday. I'm changing my sleeping pattern and sleeping earlier so I can wake up earlier to study instead of studying late into the night. Very soon, I'll be waking up at 4am to study before I go to school. I don't know what kind of a life I'm living now. It doesn't seem alright. Doesn't seem normal.

Luckily I'm doing something I have interest in. (And I'm already feeling fatalistic.) Elan said that if I were doing Engineering, I'd probably have quit school by now. She is right. I'm (so) sick of the term I just want it to end.

I just want to have a good long rest. I just want to crash out and burn.

I am becoming a moaner.